One of the greatest gains in the battle for women’s equality has been the freedom granted to some women to fight back against sexism, sometimes with humour, in the public arena.
However, what started as a good natured shove back at men for hogging the limelight has become a tired onslaught of lazy man-bashing, dressed up as “having a laugh” but actually, ultimately, hurting women.
The pinnacle of this was surely the “so easy, even a man could do it” Oven Pride ad cleared of sexism last year and still, depressingly, on UK television now. But now even smart and outspoken feminists are getting in on the act, and that’s not good news.
In last week’s 60 Second Interview with Metro, comic author Kathy Lette – launching her new offering Men – A User’s Guide - sounded like she was making a good point when she said things like:
”The book’s a compilation of anything vaguely witty I’ve ever deduced about the male of the species. The sex war has raged for 5,000 years. It’s time we called a truce, starting with men negotiating their terms of surrender because it’s clear that women are superior.
"Let’s just look at the evidence. What excites men? Footy, beer and the Playboy channel. Women get all excited about nothing and then we marry him. But it’s not male-bashing. I think women have every right to comically kneecap men until we get equal pay.”
However, while her heart might be in the right place, her methods definitely aren’t.
Admittedly, I’ve not read the new book, and I hope it turns out to be a lot more nuanced and subtle than this soundbite from a quickie interview. I’m not laying into Kathy Lette in the slightest, and I respect her wanting to put her feminist principles where her mouth is, by supporting International Women’s Day. It just makes my heart sink that we seem to think that swapping one petty stereotype for another is some sort of worthwhile revenge or furthering of a deeply vital cause.
Yes, it’s a joke. But there is power in jokes. What is acceptable in humour tells us a lot about the state of society. Belittling men, even affectionately, is not ultimately helpful for anyone.
Living with the World’s Most Domestic Husband, I often forget that my home set up is quite different to that of many – most, in fact – of the women I know. They’re independent, feminist, working women, who might or might not be the major breadwinner. But most of them are also the cooks, the cleaners and, where there are children, the primary child carers.
It’s not because their partners expect them to do any of these things, or even because they were brought up by homemaking housewives (as I was, despite my complete lack of interest in any domestic task that isn’t done for fun, like baking). It seems to be because they have been gradually convinced that men are just too useless to manage.
I watch as creative, smart, hard-working career women end up having it all at work and doing it all at home. Men, meanwhile, are written off as a bit simple, emasculated children with a massively extended adolescence, who can only really be expected to understand boobs and footie.
I had to explain the offside rule to my other half, so I know perfectly well there are exceptions to this. But it’s taken many a surprised and perplexed reaction to my domestic set up before I realised how exceptional this is considered to be.
Let me clarify one point; that doesn’t mean I think my way is the best way. I frequently chastise myself for my horrible, messy tendencies. This is not a partnership, and I’m not being fair. I just get frustrated when I see boys being treated as naturally inferior and incapable, because apart from being insulting to them it just means yet another woman is going to be expected to be the mother, father and general brains of the operation (even if they don’t have kids).
While I’m reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting, which contains excellent sections on impending fatherhood, one of my husband’s friends – whose wife is due a month before me – is reading The Bloke’s Guide to Pregnancy. This is a collection of bite-sized chunks of wisdom, including pearls like ‘your wife might start farting in front of you for the first time’. Do we really think that just because men don’t give birth they’re too simple to understand both the emotions and the mechanics surrounding it?
What starts as harmless humour becomes the kind of societal imbalance that leads to Fathers 4 Justice. That’s not equality. It’s not even revenge. It’s a poor compromise that furthers no-one’s cause.