I recently read about Facebook banning photos of mums breastfeeding because they're showing too much breast was deemed offensive. Naturally, there was uproar and protesting, but I must admit to being a tad bemused. I'm not a prude, after all it would be a bit late for that considering I advise people on dating and their sex lives for a living, but I don't 'get' why there is this need to 'overshare'.
Facebook is a social networking site and whilst we all use it in different ways, depending on your lifestyle, you're potentially in touch with co-workers ex and current, friends of both sexes, acquaintances, exes, and all sorts on there. Why do these women want to show off their ability to breastfeed like some sort of badge of honour?
Yes it's their profile, but it's Facebook's rules to do what they like with, and there's such a thing as having a bit of taste and decency. I love Facebook but I really do think that services like this seem to cause people to lose their ability to gauge appropriateness and I know far more about people than I need to!
I breastfed, really enjoyed it (mostly), and my daughter benefited from it and I plan to (hopefully) be able to breastfeed again when I pop baby two in just over three months. When I had friends around or we were out, did I pull out my breasts without a care in the world because I am Natalie Lue, I am a woman, I am breastfeeding, and I must let the world know about it because it is my divine right to do this 'natural' act?
Er, no.
Between careful dressing and a selection of stylish items for secluding my breasts and the bambino whilst she was feeding, I didn't make the fact that I breastfeed and that my child was hungry everyone else's business. Did I post pictures of myself with my tit hanging out like a forlorn puppy whilst she munched away? I don't frickin' think so! Does this mean I'm ashamed of breastfeeding? Not at all but it's just breastfeeding.
If someone says to me tomorrow what my greatest achievement was or what I think my key skills are, breastfeeding won't be one of them...
Whether people like to admit or not, breastfeeding is not the only thing that breasts can be used for. There's many a woman who's had her breast sucked without a child ever going near it! In the overall sense, breasts are more likely to be thought of as sexual objects than they are as food supply tools...
I have to wonder what's wrong with us because it's like we don't want to have any boundaries or respect for other people's personal space!
It's all about adjusting to the setting. I've sat in a room with several breastfeeding friends and breastfed with no need to seclude. I've also breastfed in front of the lads without them seeing a patch of breast and I've even done it on Southern trains, and at the back of a church, and numerous places. Needs must...but always be prepared!
I became a mother, not someone with a license to do what I want and just because the boyf and I shagged, made a baby, and I ended up being able to breastfeed. This doesn't give me any reason to believe I have a God given right to flaunt my breasts in public or show off pictures of myself breastfeeding to all and sundry. The world does not revolve around me and what makes me comfortable doesn't make everyone else comfortable.
I'm delighted I was able to breastfeed (not least because I was never going to be a good candidate for getting up in the middle of the night and padding downstairs to make a bottle) but can I say I'm 'proud' of myself? Nah, not really.
I don't think I'm part of a special club, I don't look down on those who don't or can't, and I'm immensely uncomfortable with how those that 'do' sometimes treat those that 'don't'. For some people it comes naturally, for some it happens with difficulty, and for others it just doesn't happen. Others make the choice not to. This whole 'badge of honour' attitude is just boring and actually, I think the obsession with breastfeeding, the competing and lecturing over it, and making those who don't, feel like shit for not doing so, is waaay out of hand.
I'm always supportive when my friends are able to breastfeed, but telling me about it, rather than me clicking on a photo album expecting to see a newborn and instead getting a load of breast, will always more than suffice. Either that, or label the album 'breastfeeding photos' so that people are given an option.
Breastfeeding Symbol via Matt Daigle