It’s Mother’s Day in the UK this Sunday, or Mothering Sunday as it’s traditionally called, although to our ears this sounds a lot like ‘smothering Sunday’, which is far too Freudian for comfort. We love our mums, we really do, and only want the best for them, so we’ve got some treats that are just right for her, whoever she is. (For those in the US, please apply basic principles but in two month’s time.)
Traditional Mum: Tea at the Wolseley
It could be the Wolseley, or any other fashionable but elegant restaurant/hotel that happens to offer scones and a pot of Darjeeling. Just take care to avoid the Ritz or the Savoy or other musty institutions - today’s traditional mum is not as traditional as she used to be. She may wear a twinset, but she got it from Zara not Marks and Spencer’s and those pearls are inspired by Vivienne Westwood, not the Queen. If you do go to the Wolseley, be sure to get a balcony seat so you can watch the likes of Guy Ritchie and Anne Widdecombe pretending they don’t know who the other one is.
Girly Mum: Boutique Spa Treatment
If your mum is the sort of mum that is living under the delusion that she’s your best friend, then she’ll probably like nothing better than a spa treatment to bond over. However, don’t take her somewhere boring or inconvenient like an out-of-town health farm. Opt for an urban spa that will have more gifted staff and will give you the chance for a quick in and out so you can get on to the post-treatment cocktails. In fact, don’t wait that long – go for the champagne mid-massage. If you’re in London, Edinburgh or New York, Cowshed would be ideal.
Intellectual mum – theatre
If you’ve ever caught your mum drooling over Jonathan Miller or Tom Paulin then she probably doesn’t want to be taken to ‘Thriller Live’. Think more along the lines of ‘Three Days of Rain’ starring James McAvoy at the Apollo or ‘Madame de Sade’ with Dame Judi Dench at the Donmar. If she’s annoyed you recently, consider ‘Waiting for Godot’ at the Theatre Royal, Haymarket.
Fag Hag mum: Priscilla Queen of the Desert
We object to the term ‘fag hag’, but we do realise there is a class of woman that enjoys a bit of high campery in the company of a sexually non-threatening man. In this instance you couldn’t do better than the stage musical version of Priscilla - starring the incomparable Jason Donovan.
Hippy Mum: Nothing
Well, she is anti-materialistic isn’t she? Alright, how about signing her up to sponsor a child in a developing country? Or grow her some daffodils.
Risque Mum: Burlesque Night Out
Did you sometimes come home from school to find your mum lounging around on the sofa smoking black russians in a velvet cat suit while uncle Mike poured her a saucer of milk? If your mum is into everything exotic, treat her to a cabaret night in Soho - Madame Jo Jos, Soho Revue Bar or Cafe de Paris will do the trick. If burlesque is your thing, check out the London Burlesque Festiva, starting on 1 April.
Rebel Mum: Tattoo Session Followed By Gig
It seems to us it’s much rarer in the UK than in the US to have a proper rebel mum who smokes weed and rides motorbikes - or maybe we just believe films too much. Or maybe we just fantasise that Cher in the ‘Dead Ringer for Love’ video could actually be our mum (and Meat Loaf our dad. Just imagine). If your mum’s still hankering after the days she rode with the angels, why not get something really long lasting – tattoos. Yours could say ‘mum’. Follow that with a down and dirty gig somewhere small and dark. In London, the 100 Club is a good option.
If you are a mum - get yourself whatever you want, it’s your day.
Image via http://ochorioscatering.net/