Répondez S'il Vous Plait!
Ah modern life. We have more choice and more convenience than ever before. Unfortunately, the downside is that proper etiquette has fallen by the wayside. Sure, many old-fashion habits are no longer practical or necessary in our lives, but one which I believe should not be pushed aside is the simple idea of the RSVP.
RSVP stands for the French phrase “Répondez s'il vous plait”, translated literally as “Respond if you please”, but more functionally means “Please respond”. The RSVP is a request – for an invitee to confirm their attendance - and one to which the majority of us have become terrible at responding to properly… if at all.
Naturally, the methods in which we send and receive invitations have also changed over time, and this has no doubt played a large part in the decline of the RSVP. With most people receiving invites by email, Facebook, or text message, the formality of being asked to attend something has almost disappeared entirely. The result? We now live in a society which suffers from excessive invitations. (After all, firing off a group email or a Facebook invite is ridiculously easy to do.) One friend admitted that they receive so many Facebook invitations that they click “Attending” on all of them and then think about them later.
People, where have all our manners gone?
Emily Post, the 19th Century author, and expert on etiquette, wrote, "Anyone receiving an invitation with an R.S.V.P on it is obliged to reply....", and described a lack of response as "inexcusably rude".
Admittedly these days not all invitations come with “RSVP”, but even so, it is only fair to reply to them. Even though we are past the days of sending a confirmation of attendance by post, if someone is hosting an event, and they have invited you, you should have the courtesy to acknowledge them. At the end of the day it takes little effort to be polite and respond, especially as we ARE past the days of sending an RSVP in the post. Today it takes little more than a quick email, phone call, or even just clicking a button on Facebook to let people know whether you’ll be there.
Clearly I am someone who relies on the RSVP. I don’t think I’m wrong to do so, although I realise I may be in a minority of people who pay it any mind. Too often I’ve organised events and have had more people confirm their attendance than those who actually show up. And this happens whether I add “RSVP” or not. It’s frustrating, not only in regards to planning an event around the number of attendees, but I find myself disappointed when I expect to see someone and find they never intended on being there.
Interestingly, when I mention the issue of the RSVP, I am given a whole list of excuses why people don’t do it. They’re almost always one of three common excuses:
1) “I receive too many invitations.” You mean you’re so popular that you don’t possibly have the time to let people know if you’ll be coming? Or, do you prefer to remain mysterious, leaving people waiting in hope that you’ll grace them with your presence? I hate to burst your bubble, but nobody is so busy or important that they can’t respond to an invitation.
2) “I don’t like to say no to people.” Many people find it hard to say “No”, and usually this is because they don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings. What is forgotten is that saying “Yes” when you really mean “No” is more hurtful than declining in the first instance. If you’re not planning on showing up, why say you will be?
3) “I’d like to go but I might have something else on.” If this is the case, say no. Don’t leave the host hanging because you’d like to keep your options open. You can always ask later on if it’s not too late to join in. But saying “Maybe” almost always translates as, “I’ll attend… if nothing better comes up”.
We are all guilty – myself included – of not always acknowledging the RSVP and paying people this little courtesy. It’s time we all made a habit of replying to invitations. Remember, someone has taken the liberty of inviting you because they would love to see you. What’s wrong with that?
Next time you are lucky enough to be invited somewhere, répondez, s'il vous plait!
Image via House of Sim's Flickr