A guide to manners? Yes please! …oh and thank you!
Steven Petrow’s new book Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners landed on my doorstep with an almighty thud. I was looking forward to it turning up but I had no idea quite how big it would be, it’s like the yellow pages. Do gays and lesbians need this much help with manners? Well, we’ll get to that later.
Steven Petrow is an American journalist and author who has carved out a niche for himself in the field of etiquette, specifically queer etiquette…but what does that even mean?
What initially concerned me about Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners was that I had always assumed that manners and etiquette were the same for everyone. When you pick up Petrow’s book, however, you’ll understand exactly how many queer circumstances require special advice. It covers every conceivable situation, from every perspective. How to approach the tricky task of asking your own brother to be a sperm donor for your lesbian partner? – check. How much to tip a masseur if you receive a happy finish? – check (a little more than 15-20%, if anyone is wondering). How to tell a new partner that you enjoy wearing adult sized diapers? – check.
The book is divided into chapters dealing with specific areas of life. It starts with a section on coming out, which whilst surprisingly well conceived for such a tricky topic, but might be the least useful chapter. I can’t imagine too many people would buy this book before they come out, which is a genuine shame as it does have some great advice.Then there’s a chapter on ‘Sex Etiquette’ (the most popular section for anyone flicking through my copy). ‘Moving in Together’ is next, followed by ‘Weddings and Commitment Ceremonies’, ‘Being a Parent’, ‘Bullying and Homophobia’, ‘Entertaining’, ‘Workplace Issues’ and ‘Travel’.
In a way, I feel like the title is misleading, it’s not really about manners in the traditional sense; it’s more a guide to gay life – a manual if you like. And while most people would say they don’t need a manual, and that’s certainly true for most of us, for those that do this book really will help. For confused and concerned parents or friends there’s some sage advice in these pages, and for anyone coming out a little later in life who wants to get ahead before being thrown to the lions, the book has plenty of words of wisdom.
A lot of what’s covered isn’t exclusively relevant to a gay audience. For example Mr. Petrow’s advice in regards to the use of Twitter states: “Tweeting more than a few times in an hour or a dozen times a day is annoying. You risk losing your followers no matter how funny or fingers-on-the-pulse you happen to be” applies to plenty of my straight friends. Other sections, however, such as the one entitled “Our renovation is tearing us apart” about a couple on the verge of break up due to an argument over which kind of kitchen counter to buy seems particularly relevant to a gay audience – and pretty funny too, even if it is a stereotype. Is it rude to laugh at that? I suppose I better check the book!