In the UK this week, there's been a hell of a lot of polyamory around. It's going on all the time of course, but this week it's a bit more noticeable than usual. There have been non-monogamous folk talking to the Metro, polyamorous women in a debate on This Morning, and there will be lots of poly people gathering in central London on Saturday for the seventh Polyday.
So, in case you're wondering what on earth polyamory actually is, here's a quick guide. Wikipedia's description of it as "the practice, desire or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved" pretty much sums it up. However, it's often rather misunderstood, so let's break down the key points to remember:
1) It's non-monogamy
Yes, it's about being intimate with more than one person. Sex, love... the works. It's about the understanding that, for some, one person alone simply cannot be their 'everything'. It's also about the radical notion that love is not finite. You can love more than one child, right? Try applying the same concept to romantic love. For some people that's not just possible, it's also desirable.
2) It's consensual
Yes, if it's being practiced properly, everyone involved knows what's going on. There are no secret hook ups, no sex behind people's back, no lies or cheating. The point is that everyone knows and everyone agrees to it. Nobody who self-identifies as polyamorous has been forced into it by a partner. They're not doing it to 'fix a broken relationship'. They're all doing it because they actually really want to. Yes, really.
3) It's ethical and responsible
Yes, it's about being a proper grown-up. Adults who trust and respect each other will negotiate boundaries, stick to agreements, communicate honestly, and remain loyal and committed to those they are in a relationship with. These are things that monogamous folk should be doing too, but in this case it's just with more people. As with all relationships, mistakes can be made, but the idea is that no one should be left feeling betrayed or cheated if things go wrong.
4) Anyone can do it
No, it's not just for young people, hippies, nerds, childfree folk, "hipster swingers", live roleplayers, perverts, and self-confessed weirdos. People of any age, with and without children, from all walks of life have embraced a polyamorous lifestyle. They all work out their own particular brand of poly and many of them are involved in little communities who provide extra care and support.
If the family of the 21st century is made up of friends rather than relatives, for polyamorous people this will include partners, lovers, friends and metamours. A loving group who are free to talk about anything, openly and honestly. For some people that probably sounds like the scariest thing in the world but, for others, it spells happiness indeed.
Lori Smith is happily non-monogamous and constantly baffled at how difficult some people find it to be honest with one another. She writes about sex, relationships and feminism a lot, but can often be found tweeting about more light-hearted stuff as @lipsticklori.
Image via theslowlane's Flickr photostream.