When it comes to sex, should we really care what other people think? There comes a point when sharing can become a case of 'too much information', but perhaps keeping quietabout every aspect of our sex lives might not always be a good thing. Will sharing a few details help to educate others, or does it just give them cause to judge us?
Despite how open I am about sex with my close friends and beloved BitchBuzz readers, I feel I do still have one last hurdle to overcome. It's not that there are things I have yet to open my mind to, as very little can shock me these days - it's a little more than that. Even acts that I really wouldn't consider trying myself still don't have me responding in horror at their mere suggestion, because it's a wide world out there and I say 'each to their own'. Just because it's not for me doesn't mean that someone else shouldn't be getting her kicks out of it, but this is partly where my problem lies. Despite not judging other people on what they choose to do, or not, I am still inexplicably concerned about the opinion of those people who do judge.
I never used to care so much about what other people thought. When I was a 19-year-old student enjoying both the money and male colleagues provided by my part time job, I must have had a terrible reputation as I wasn't entirely discreet about my desires or careful in my choice of men. Back then, however, I only briefly wondered how much other people knew and what they must think of me, but then in my late 20s it concerned me far more than it should and I still haven't fully recovered from that. Although I am happy to discuss sex with certain people, I would never consider it with others because I'm worried that those people will make judgments and assumptions based on the information I share with them.
A few years ago, won over by a friendly and relaxed female production team, I agreed to appear on national television discussing orgasms and learning how to have better ones. When the show aired I spent a few days being embarrassed by good-natured comments from colleagues, friends and people I hadn't seen in years but, despite that mild embarrassment, I have to admit that even my parents watched it without disowning me. Although this proves that people aren't quite as offended by the discussion of sex or as judgemental of the people indulging as I'd first thought, I did wonder how different things would be if it wasn't all so vanilla.
So I, like many others, keep very quiet and vague on details unless I can be sure that who I'm telling will be supportive. Whether straight, gay, queer, vanilla, kinky, monogamous or polyamorous, should we just be out and proud about everything - trying to educate others that very little is actually 'normal' when it comes to sex - or is it simply a necessary precaution to keep our private lives private? There's a fine line between being private and being in the closet and I'm still not 100% sure where that lies.
Lori Smith is bisexual, non-monogamous and kinky. She feels that she should perhaps tell more people about the first two but isn't ever quite sure how to broach the subject. When she's not pondering sex and relationship stuff for BitchBuzz, she can often be found blogging at Rarely Wears Lipstick.
Image via Holster's Flickr photostream