Online Dating: Calm After the Binge Dating Storm

By Monique Scott

Once you've been in the internet dating scene for a while, you'll probably start to notice that the vigorous rate at which you started dating eventually has to ease up. The multiple dates per week strategy — with the spontaneous two-dates-in-one-night thrown in there for good measure — cannot sustain itself forever.

At some point, you will have exhausted your site's current selection of datable men, want to spend more time with the "chosen ones", or realize that you simply need a breather. When you hit this point, listen to what your body, your mind, or both! are telling you, and take that binge dating recess. You need it.

Now's the time to catch up with the things that may have fallen by the wayside amidst your dating spree. Things like vacuuming. Reading your pile of magazines that's now 3 issues of 3 subscriptions deep. Finally going through your pile of handwashing (and realize that's where your favorite shirt has been this whole time). But most importantly, now's the time to check-in with yourself.

Take the time to re-evaluate your expecations, intentions and desires.

Are they still the same as they were a few months ago? Consider what you've learned from the x number of people you've dated that might prompt you to rewrite the definition of what you're looking for.

Perhaps you've realized that if you date one more software engineer you'll go crazy. Or that it's essential for you to know upfront how emotionally available, or unavailable, your date is (and that regardless of the answer, you might go on another date with him anyway). Maybe it's as straightforward as him needing to have blond hair and blue eyes or be tall, dark and handsome.

The bottom line: taking a deep breath and reassessing your situation will help you in your quest to find the right person. After too much of the same thing, your scrupulous eyes for a good match may be blurred. And you shouldn't be settling for just the next guy who sends you a message without grammatical errors (although, if you were me, Mr. Grammar Nerd might just be the one).

Once you've reconsidered your romantic goals, you can reconsider your venue.

Depending on your success at your particular site, it might be time to try another one. Think about it this way: you wouldn't invest all your money in one place, right? Any financial guru would advise you to diversify. The same goes for men! They're not all going to be in one place at the same time. So, play the field! Use your lull on one site to make the transition to dipping your toes into another applicant pool. Or perhaps you'll come to realize that you're ready to move offline completely.

Other benefits of some online dating down time:

• It opens up your calendar to spend more quality time with the guys you've met that you actually like.
• You open yourself back up to meeting people in a more traditional sense — through friends, at the gym, happy hour, or even at your friend's Super Bowl party (mind the beer goggles, though).
• Re-establishing your notion of "me" time.
• Reincorporating your friends into your social life.

It's easy to put on your blinders and become completely absorbed in the online dating realm. So, take them off for a bit. See what happens!

POSTED IN: LIFE
Tue, 13 Jan 2009 15:45 (GMT+00)
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