It has officially been two months since I’ve embarked on my online dating adventures. How quickly time flies when you’re constantly out to dinner, not sleeping, and trying to keep track of everyone’s life stories, favorite animals and job titles.
In no way is the journey over, but with the holidays and new year (and pending subscription renewal) just around the corner, it seems like an appropriate time to reflect on my experiences and reference points thus far.
Man #1 – The Firefighter:
I can’t be with someone who’s less intelligent than me. Who can’t follow along to a Ryan Reynolds romantic comedy without my frequent explanatory interludes. Who rarely asks me questions. Who has too routine a life void of personal adventure. I also want to be with someone who has a general knowledge of grammar – it doesn’t have to be perfect, but an idea of what it is would be nice.
Man #2 – The Football Player:
Don’t keep your Blackberry on the table and check it frequently during our date. That’s what pockets are for. Also, save college football stories for your memoir, not our dinner conversation.
Man #3 – The Texan Software Engineer:
I really do want to be with someone who’s taller than (read: towers over) me. And who shares my political views, musical taste, knack for ankle injuries and frustration in finding long-enough pants. But you also have to be able to call me back … Damn it. Lost a good one.
Man #4 – The Entrepreneur:
A good kisser and undeniable chemistry is, frankly, irresistible. Even when we don’t actually go out on dates. Letting go and having fun, so long as you’re not hurting anybody, is good for the soul. It also helps when said soul food knows how to cook (and grow his own vegetables in the backyard), makes a mean basil gimlet, and will dance with you (Twirls! Dips!) in his living room. The whole emotionally unavailable part is, however, a massive downer.
Man #5 – The Midwest-Transplant Politico:
Note to self: don’t cyberstalk your date too much in advance. It will come back to haunt you.
Man #6 – The Midwest-Transplant Marketer:
I need a guy who is punctual and not stingy. Being late because you were playing Wii with your coworkers is a bit of a red flag. …So is not insisting on paying for your $16 per glass Malbec.
Man #7 – The Southern Software Engineer:
I know this sounds bad, but I need a guy with some sort of body definition. Somewhere. Even if it’s just the jaw line. Strikingly blue eyes and a beautiful white, straight-toothed smile just couldn’t cut it for this guy. Maybe his Southern accent and the fact that he couldn’t shut up didn’t help his case, either.
Man #8 – The Midwest-Transplant (Ex)Frat Guy:
This guy made me realize that warning signs are hidden in subtleties. I mean, can I really date someone whose kitchen floor makes my feet black? Someone who uses the $2-a-box, five-minutes-or-less tooth whitener trays from Walgreens (enhancing the problem, here, was him leaving the remnants out in plain view)?
Someone who is always chewing (or asking for a piece of) gum – even while in bed? Someone who carries his digital camera around in his pocket and will happily whip it out to show you the evidence of last night’s BDSM theme party? Someone who wants to snuggle during Tropic Thunder and be affectionate during James Bond? Someone who clearly articulates that he has no sense of “me time” (nor understands my need for it)? The answers: no. I cannot.
And seriously, what is it with men and Wii? Half of our dates involved a serious Wii sesh. Is being good at Wii Duck Hunt really a turn-on? Don’t get me wrong – this guy was social and outgoing, which can undoubtedly lead some memorable and creative dates. But on top of being social and outgoing with a few too many other girls for my personal taste, his quirkiness and habits are a little too much for me to handle. Next!
Man #9 – The British aeronautical Engineer:
Apparently, I love to laugh. And apparently, it had been a while since I had really done so – the deep down from the depths of your belly, makes your eyes water kind of laughs. I’d forgotten how satisfying that was! Worldly, international men are also so much more interesting than men who have never left the country. (Sorry, but stories about and accompanying pictures of lemurs in Madagascar trump stories about and accompanying pictures of ‘cougars’ in Kentucky any day.)
Men with style and an opinion about it also strike my fancy. But I need to know what’s going on underneath all the Ted Baker and Hugo Boss – where do you stand emotionally? Engaging conversation and 24-hour-long dates are amazing, but I need to know what I’m getting myself into. Leading me to the conclusion that I prefer assertive, candid men.
I’m still pondering exactly where all these experiences have gotten me. I do know, however, the following:
1. It’s impossible to really get to know someone in a matter of a couple hours. It definitely takes a few dates to form an accurate impression.
2. You can, however, know right away if the necessary chemistry just isn’t there.
3. Seeing two guys in the same night is exhilarating – and hilarious to recount to your friends after the fact – but seriously exhausting.
4. The same goes for going out with multiple guys in succession over the course of a few days – fun, but rather tiring. Taking detailed mental notes is key to remembering which stories go with which date.
5. Gathering extensive reference points is a helpful reminder that you shouldn’t settle.