This past Friday Jessica Valenti, editor of Feministing.com, author and poster girl of Feminism's "third wave", wrote an article for The Guardian, describing her "big feminist wedding".
But how can you even have a feminist wedding, you ask?
Like some commenters (all 200-something of them) you might be wondering how getting married is feminist at all, considering you're, like, marrying a man and submitting yourself to an ancient institution of the patriarchy.
Others applaud Valenti's gall to have a feminist wedding. I mean, thank god! It's about time somebody stood up and had an untraditional wedding.
Just look at the gigantic steps that Jessica is taking:
- "There is no proposal story to tell...we talked about it, and jointly decided that we should get engaged."
That's insane! Everyone I know went the traditional, unfeminist route of having "rose petals scattered on a satin-sheeted bed" or "trips to the Eiffel tower" with silly diamond rings "hidden in a champagne glass". Engagement stories are so sexist.
- "I would be keeping my last name."
THAT IS INSANE! You are breaking some serious ground here. Such bravery! Considering that you've written two books under your maiden name and, might I just say, have a very cool sounding one at that, I guess you could almost say that it makes sense to keep your own name. But it's terribly brave and feminist none-the-less.
- "We would do this fairly...He would take care of booking the music, I would handle the flowers."
You split up planning the wedding? I can practically hear Betty Freidan cheering you on from the beyond.
- I blogged about my wedding woes on a feminist website, and people criticized me.
That's weird that people, especially feminists, would criticize your wedding decisions. Weddings are notoriously easy things to plan, and it's very surprising that people - strangers even! - would criticize what you were doing. Again, insane.
- People mock us.
Well...yes. They do and they will.
Here's the thing. I greatly applaud you and your feminist fiance for being thoughtful in your decisions in how you're getting married. I love that you are asking for "donations to an organisation fighting for same-sex marriage rights" instead of registering at Wal-Mart.
In all seriousness, congratulations. Your wedding and marriage going to kick-ass.
However, like most of the commenters on your post, it's the fact that there was an entire article written about how not changing your name, and not letting what other people think about your engagement or wedding dress color is feminist or something new that is incredibly irritating, if not patronizing.
People have been getting engaged casually and wearing untraditional wedding gowns for years.
Women keep their last names. Couples plan their weddings together. People criticize their every move whether they're having a "big feminist wedding" or not.
Making your own decisions, doing what makes you happy and throwing up your middle finger in the face of tradition isn't necessarily feminist - it's called being a grown-up and growing a pair.
This isn't an example of pioneering feminism, but rather another just another young couple making adult decisions, and doing what they want in spite of criticsm and the disappointment of their families.
Image via GoingBridal.com