Have you ever found a man irresistibly attractive even though common sense says otherwise? Have you felt drawn to that strange guy on the dance floor, the annoying one that isn't really your type at all? Maybe it's true love, or maybe you've been played by a pick up artist.
(Quick disclaimer before I begin. I'm now going to describe a phenomenon that some of you may be very familiar with and that others might find a bit shocking.)
A couple of years ago an ambitious American journalist called Neil Strauss came out with a book called The Game. It became an instant bestseller and a cult hit, spawning websites and forums and tv-shows about what Strauss and some other dudes call being a "pick up artist".
At a quick glance, most of the community seems to be filled with overly pruned guys with strange nicknames like Gambler, Sinn, Mystery and Strauss' own nick name Style. It sort of makes you want to slap these people around and shout "get over yourself".
However in the end this demand for certain rules for how to pick up women just means there are a lot of insecure guys out there. Turning it into a "game" might be easier for some, especially if you can trade high scores online and virtually give each other manly slaps of approval.
In the pick up community there are certain ways of behaving that are meant to almost in a biologically, statistically certain way pull the woman you've set your sights on.
According to these people they've cracked the code and figured out how female psychology works. However maybe male and female psychology aren't that different after all and the game could be turned around. Both men and women want validation after all.
Some actual tricks PUAs learn and use:
1. Become the center of attention, win over the group the victim is hanging out with and make her see you as someone important.
2. Use negs (backhand compliments) to lower the victim's self-esteem. Could be something like "nice nails, but I'm sure they're fake", but probably something more inventive. Here's a list of negs that are apparently used. At least they are a bit more interesting than the standard sleazy pick up line. Some people are actually making an effort coming up with this stuff, i.e. how to insult girls in a nice way so they start liking you.
3. Using learned routines like impressive stories you've practised before or personality quizzes that of course will say something profound about the victim's personality, like that she likes hanging out with people and is a social person, but inside feels alone and like no one really understands her ("Oh my god, that's, like, totally me!!").
4. Dressing outrageously so that you'll get lots of attention and having enough charisma to pull it off. Examples of this could be the guy with black nail polish and a feather boa or that dude who tries really hard to look like Tommy Lee, but just fails and looks awkward. Apparently guys are encouraged to find their own style, something that suits their personality and way of picking up.
I find it amazing that there is so much thought put into this, that there are men who seem to dedicate their whole life and sense of self to learn how to pick up women.
More and more women are now aware of what's going on in the PUA community, which probably means that it's more difficult for these men to play their game. It's an interesting concept for anyone interested in human psychology. The question remains though, why do tricks like this work on women?
We all want what we can't have. Is the sense of winning someone over (however false it is) all it takes for attractive women to fall for the random guy in a strange looking hat? And if that's all it is, then wouldn't the game work on men as well? Seems like these guys are looking for appreciation and approval as well.
For those who want to know more there's a tv-series on VH1 called The Pickup Artist where some AFCs (average frustrated chumps) learn the ropes, get make-overs (antm-style) and are eliminated in the hunt for America's next player... or something like that.
Image via Rich Pompetti