Johnson & Johnson have finally come up with a baby product that will toughen up our infants and help them understand that crying never gets anybody anywhere.
While the company have long promoted their "No More Tears" baby shampoo, they're now pushing a new product called "Nothing But Tears: Because It's Never Too Early To Grow The Hell Up".
The Onion report that it is as "gentle on a baby's skin as 'having to grow up and fend for your goddamn self" and really, isn't it time that babies figured that out?
Taking corporal punishment to a pleasantly refreshing, new level, Johnson & Johnson's CEO William C. Weldon explains:
"We at Johnson & Johnson have been making bath time a safe and soothing experience for far too long,. Years of pampering have left our newborns helpless, feeble, and ill-equipped for the arduous road ahead. It's time our children got the wake-up call that's been coming to them. It's time they cried their precious little eyes out."
I'm just thankful that there is finally a product out there that promises to "kick your baby's ass into gear". It's about time, people. It's about time...
image via The Onion